So It Starts!

For the first, and I know without any shadow of doubt, not the last time, I was awoken this morning by little Baby Blackburn Myles (To Be.) I wasn’t even beginning to stir when I was abruptly roused from my semi-peaceful (bad dreams, let’s not go into it) slumber by a sharp thud in my lumber region. I ignored it, and then again, *thump*. It was only after my enquiry into what Siobhan might have wanted at this god awful hour of the morning was replied to with snores, that it hit me, “Little One” had managed to succeed in doing something where so many before him/her had failed.

It is reassuring to know that we have a very strong baby wriggling around inside Mum's tummy, especially after the experiences of last Wednesday...

Continued at Andrew Blackburn dot Co dot Uk.

Elevator Etiquette (Part three)

I believe I may have developed the worst “etiquette” of all. I have gotten into the habit of not only NOT pressing the button to open the doors if I see someone approaching, but pretending that I tried to continue the illusion that I’m really quite a nice guy. Only yesterday, whilst visiting my mum, who is still in hospital awaiting transfer to the UK to have her herniated disc removed, Siobhan and I got into the lift, pressed “2″, and at that point, I saw this family of 3 or 4 come through the doors into the elevator lobby… I reached for the <|> button, and watched as the group waited for the doors to stop closing and let them in. Alas, they didn’t, and the family would have to wait. I thought I may have gotten away with my callous act, but quick as a flash, Shiv had noticed. “You didn’t even press that!”… I know, as I said in my first Elevator Etiquette post… I am a bastard, and I will be reincarnated as a merekat:

Originally posted at: Andrew Blackburn dot Co dot Uk.

Elevator Etiquette (Part Deux)

6 hours, 35 minutes and a few seconds left, before I officially finish my term at Sapphire Networks/Broadband Gibraltar Limited!

Moving along from the pre-movement portion of an elevator experience, we now reach the portion I like to call "The Ride." Now, The Ride can be quite a boring experience, if it is encountered alone, but there are many variable factors that can affect and enhance The Ride considerably. Is their elevator music playing for example? I once worked in a building where the porter adamantly played Country and Western, at that level ever so slightly higher than comfortable in the lifts. Every day. Without fail. As you can tell from my tone, that no more enhanced my Ride than a giant lump of fresh dog turd in the corner of said lift would have done, instead it made me want to terminate my Ride experience as soon as humanly possible!

Does the elevator have a view? This same Country and Western infected lift had a view into the atrium of the building, where you could peruse through the different office windows, or merely look down upon the few (ranging between 1 and 30 depending on the time of day, time of month [deadlines!] or time of year [Christmas is stressful]) nicotine addicts getting their quick fix before continuing with their busy day.

(The humdinger) Are you sharing The Ride with anyone else? Why "the humdinger" I hear you ask? Because if the answer to this question is positive, your whole Ride experience could be changed for ever, for better, or quite probably, for worse!

Co-Rider Type 1: The Smoker!
Now, I'm not a complete anti-smoke person. I don't deliberatly cough if someone lights up near me, I don't complain if I am in a public place and people are smoking, it's your addiction, and I understand that. My friends smoke, Shivvers used to, I really have no problem with smokers. As I have mentioned (around here somewhere, I'm sure) before, I don't have pet peeves, I have psychotic f*cking hatreds, and smoking in small, enclosed area's, especially lifts, and even more so when other people are in them, is one of such hatreds. Yesterday I had the "pleasure" of sharing my downwards Ride from my apartment with two of the stirling young individuals who are painting the block at the moment. Both, covered in paint (and possibly stripper, tarps, spirit etc!!!!) were puffing away. 1. I don't want to have to breath your bloody smoke in such density, in such an already oxygen deprived, confined space. 2. You're covered in flamable fucking incandescent fluids! Enough said on "The Smoker."

Co-Rider Type 2: The Silent Starer!
Prior to my smoke infested Ride, I had an un-nerving experience sharing an upwards Ride with a reasonably old gentleman, in the smaller of the two lifts in my apartment building, who said nothing, even when I asked him which floor he needed, he simply pushed past me and pressed the button himself! Not only was he exceptionally quiet, but he then proceeded to stare at me, right at me, straight in the eyes. That kind of stare that makes you want to run for the hills. It freaked me completely, thank god I only live on the 4th floor! (Note to religious nuts, about the possible blasphemy, see my views on religious crazies commenting here)

Co-Rider Type 3: The Chatterbox!
Sharing your Ride experience with a chatterbox can go one of a number of ways. You could be amused and actually enjoy your 20-30 second conversation with the chatterbox. You can act all shy; smile and nod at whatever he or she is saying, or you can just ignore them. My chatterbox experience yesterday was semi amusing, I had a few bags in my hands from the market, with fruit and veg in, about which he enquired "just been shopping then?" "Nope, just like carrying round large punnets of strawberries, some peppers and some onions" is what I should have said, instead, I humoured the poor bloke, and simply replied "yep" (I was in a not so chatty mood). I was wrong to think that my one word reply would shut him up: "You lived here long?" "about 2 years now" (again, short and brief, take the hint?) "Well, I bought here when they were first built, I'm told that they have increased in value....*blah blah blah*" DING 4th Floor! Thanks and freaking praises "Have a nice day!" and away I ran....

Lifts... bah!

Elevator Etiquette

Did I just use an Americanism? Why yes, yes I did. But only because it rolls off the tongue better than lift etiquette does!

Just to let you know, I have 20 mins MAX left of my shift, and this has only just popped into my head because of a few occurances in lifts today... so if it isn't finished, be prepared for a great big "TO BE CONTINUED" sign!

To continue on the chivalry theme, everyone knows, or should do, that a man is meant to hold a door open for a lady, no matter which direction either of them are going in relation to the building/carriage/door-adorned-area (layman's: in or out). But can the same be applied to a lift/elevator. If a man is in a lift, is it properly polite to hit the hold button if you see a woman approaching, even if you are unsure if they are actually going to be using the lift's services? And does the same apply to a woman, should she hold the doors if she sees a man approaching, or a woman for that matter? Sod it! Should you hold the door when you see someone else approaching even if you are unsure whether or not they are going to use the bloody lift!?

The lift doors were closing on me earlier, and just as there was say, a foot of a gap left, I saw a woman enter the downstairs lobby door, there was no way she was going to reach the button before the doors closed, yet still, in vain, she tried. Handbag in hand, she semi-jogged towards the lift, and to be honest, I chuckled to myself as the doors closed, locked, and the lift started moving.

I am a bastard.

Lack of anything worthwhile...

I'll admit it, I've had very little motivation to do anything other than the occasional post for www.AndrewBlackburn.co.uk or finish the photolog, the guestbook or the forum for the site. I've also been trying to get my head around proper css based layouts for a new site that I may start designing for Shivvers who is thinking about selling some of the jewellery she makes... Shiv+Jewellery=www.Chivalry.com or something of the like? And what better a name for a jewellery selling site in a time where many believe that chivalry is dead, and men should be equal to women. Why should we hold doors open for women? Why should men walk closer to the road? I'll tell you why, because we are men, and believe it or not, we will always be the stronger of the sexes (generally) and should look after the ladies in our lives. In return, we get that hot cup of tea when we aren't feeling well, the clean sheets on the bed (not that it should be a woman's job, just something that came to me is all) and the hugs, kisses and warmth that only a woman can bring to a man's life. So no, chivalry isn't dead, and to prove it, blokes can by a bespoke piece of jewellery from the new site when I get round to making it, if the idea ever takes off.

Bushisms, bruises, bluegrass and babies!

It had been far too long since I posted anything up here, and what do I find when I logged into blogger, this gem that I had written on the 23rd of January, sitting as a draft. So before I add anything new, here is something you all deserve:

Before we get onto the post material, can I first introduce and plug and quote the all new webby, www.andrewblackburn.co.uk

I will try and get something more concrete up shortly, but for now, here is
the first photo album that I have chucked up. I may move my blog
here, I'm unsure for now... Whilst you're here however, you may as well (read as, bloody well better) go and check out my wee babbies blog at http://wealllovericehere.blogspot.com ....or else!

And now, on with the show...

"In my sentences I go where no man has gone before"; a "wise" man once quipped, and how right he was. Just to continue, or more, to begin afresh with my amusement surrounding George W. Bush. Even for a man with such a poor command of the English language, I still can't understand how he can mess up even the simplest of phrases. Or why he doesn't just prepare his bloody speeches before he is due to give them. Take this one for example:

There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again.

Gee George, when are you going to engage your fricking brain before opening that big large gob of yours? You never know, you may be able to shake this permanent issue you have, which involves placing both of your feet in your mouth! But before I jump off this topic, I just have to share this one with you:

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.

And that boys and girls, is why we want to keep as far away from Mr Bush, who I think scientists may want to start observing as a possible candidate for the missing link, he wants to hurt us all!!



Rugby is a funny sport at times, it really is. The 4 games we played prior to today's were all closely fought, and unfortunately lost. We have been playing well, except for the fact that we give away too many penalties, and as we have been told time and time again, penalties cost you games. Today however, we managed to give away 8 penalties compared to Almeria's 3 in the first half, and then gave another 12 in the second half (that's a grand total of 20 penalties in a game... which is shocking) but still managed to emerge as the victors, for only the second time this season! Add to the elation, the fact that I, yes, I actually got a try! Unfortunately, this being such a rarest of rare occasions, I kinda just landed on the ball, hurting, and bruising my ribs... never mind though ayy, 5 points to my name!



Recently, whilst discussing random music on the GLMS forum, we were having a laugh at recent swing version of rock and pop songs, particularly by Paul Anka and Richard (Dick) Cheese, when someone piped up about a group called Fade to Bluegrass, a Metallica tribute band who play banjos and the like. Well what can I say, I like it, quite a lot, and couldn't help myself as I downloaded "A Treasury of Bluegrass" and guess what, I like most of that too. Another genre to add to my already highly eclectic taste!



As you can see (if you've noticed the moving bit underneath my web site's logo) I'm using my upcoming Daddyhood as inspiration to learn some new bits and pieces, even if I define "learn" as "plagerise" or "steal" and "bits and pieces" as "other people's code!" But hey, it all counts doesn't it, and it adds a nice little touch to the site I think.

Guess what...

...?

I'm going to have a rant. I feel I haven't had a rant in ages, and I am feeling rather bloody miffed! Let us get to the beginning shall we... at (let's see what the phone says...) "Call received 03:50:22"

I, and my 3 and a half month pregnant love of my life (we will continue this bit after the rant!! Shock horror, I know, all will become clearer in due course), were awoken by the familiar sound of my mobile (cell for the Americans :P) going off. I reached over and grabbed it, and in a blur of fumbling to find the button, at the same time as I tried to sit up, and attempt to make a coherant sound to let the caller know I was there (you know what it's like when you first wake up, dry throat, that crusty substance sealing your lips shut) I finally managed to make some sense out of the situation!

I was told that it was PC (police constable) some number from Central Police Station, and that there was an officer waiting to be let into my old office, as an alarm was going off inside the building, and I was a listed key holder. Well, you can imagine the barrage of abuse this policewoman took. It went along the lines of:

Me: I HAVEN'T F*CKING WORKED THERE SINCE THE SUMMER! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I'M THE FIRST LISTED KEYHOLDER? EVEN WHEN I WORKED THERE I WAS 2ND OR 3RD ON THE LIST! WHAT F*CKING TIME IS IT ANYWAYS?

Cop: It's ten to four AM, and sir, it isn't our responsibility to keep these lists up to date, when changes are made we have to be notified.

Me: I COULDN'T CARE LESS WHO'S RESPONSIBILITY IT IS, WHY ARE YOU STILL TALKING TO ME? YOU SHOULD GET IN TOUCH WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND INFORM THEM THAT I AM STILL ON THE LIST AND SHOULD BE REMOVED.

Cop: That isn't our responsibility, you will have to contact them in the morning.

I then hung up, ranted some more and tried to get some shut eye before having to get up at 6:30/7. Not even a "sorry for waking you" from the bint at the police station, I'd have her fucking badge if I could remember the number she blurted at me when I answered the phone...

So who's responsibility is it to keep this list up to date? I agree the company should inform the police when someone leaves that is on this list, but surely the police have a duty to check at regular intervals whether this list needs changing in any way?

Then, after speaking to one of my former colleagues that is the PA to the HR Director, and she was very apologetic and assured me that she would get it sorted. (This made me happy)

She calls me back 2 minutes later saying she sent a letter to the police on the 31st of August with the new list, and my name was NOT ON IT. (This in turn mades me very angry.)

Two phone calls to the police station later and "The Man" has been taken to twice! Firstly I phoned up and gave them hell, as they rather smugly informed me that "my name was not on the list for [former place of work]" so I rather quickly replied with the following quip:

"So pray tell CUNTstable, just why did one of your colleagues call me at 10 minutes to 4 this morning to let me know that there was an alarm at [former place of work]"

"Ohh... I'm not sure"

"Well I would like to know that my name is OFF that list, as I do not need calling at 4am, especially seeing as my new job has me working shifts..."

Apparently they have a hard copy and a computerised copy of the list, and the hard copy is normally more up to date than the computerised list and he would get in touch with the officer in charge of updating the computerised list and get back to me.

I then find out that they had called my old house number (at my parents place) before trying my mobile, and got my mum, who was working till 1am out of bed! Back on the blower to the cops, to let them know that I thought it was completely fucking rediculous that they would call someones house number, and wake up the entire household for something that wasnt an emergency, rather than the mobile number that they had been provided with and just wake that one person up. Surely that is the whole point of a mobile phone!?!?!

I also asked if they had sorted the list yet, and they were not sure. I told them that I had spoken to [former place of work] again, and apparently they have a new alarm system in place, and it is so sensitive that mosquitos seem to be setting it off... and if I get another call at 4am tomorrow morning, they will have a very angry person in a dressing gown at the police station banging over paid, flourescently decorated heads together... in not so many words...

*AND RELAX*



Which is exactly what Siobhan and my little babbie (pronounced bah-bee) is doing right now. Just chilling and growing, and growing in his/her Mum's belly!
We found out back in November, but wanted to wait till we had had our first scan, and passed that cruicial 3 month period before letting everybody know, and trust me, it's been a seriously hard secret to keep! I've been so excited since I found out and can't wait to be a Dad :) Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Baby Blackburn-Myles:



Or as it is commonly known as (just now) Lil' Lemon, as we have been naming it after the fruit it is currently the size of :) We've had cherries, figs and limes, and now it's the Lemon's turn :D

We've also started a little blog for the kidflump to read about its growth and development when it is older, and that can be found here. So yeah, I am 14 weeks towards being a Dad! Isn't that brilliantly exciting everyone!!!

Right, I have little time left before this shift is over, so I will have to love you and leave you!
All the best
Andy :D